Escape- I miss her

Assalamualaikum .. Peace upon to you. 

   The title of this column is escape. From now on, every time I stuck on something or too much going on in my head. I’ll write on this column. Escape from the usual “penconteng” style. That’s the main reason I choose to write this column in English. That way, not many people that checking in my blog interested to read it. So it will be like a letter to nobody. 

  Escape means to run away from something that hold you. What am I running away from? I wish I know the answer.

runaway train.. bring me to her..

   I miss her man. Really miss her. She been with me since I know how to write poetry, and I don’t even know when exactly my first poem or just a rhyme words put together. Maybe standard 4, standard 3 or I don’t know, maybe since I in kindergarten. Do my friends and family know I’m into this stuff? Hell no! 

  My older brother found my scratch book when I was 10 years old, he found a poetry I wrote in spontaneous about nature (well, of course in malay). He laughed his ass off. “jiwang!!!” he said loudly. For being a smart guy, I just answered that is my schoolwork for the semester break. That incident been forgotten by my family, but never for me. Not that I hate my brother for laughing at me, deep down in my heart I even thanks him for doing that. From that incident, I found my own style. I write about something simple, but put flower into it. I don’t read love novels; I grew my style not influenced by lovey dovey pussies stuff.  Ya,  you know what I mean. 

  Well as for my friends, some dudes know I can write really well. They even ask me to guide them how to tackle a girl heart. Honestly, I’m never been good with girls. I have 4 brothers and no sister, my parents even let few of my cousins to stay at our home when im grew up. Not to mention all the neighbor and “anak angkat” my family took care. My life is surrounded with boys, and still some of my friends ask me to guide them how to tackle a girl heart? They got to be kidding me. Well, from that I start to write a love line of wishes, poetry, and others stuff for my friends (for them to give it to their girlfriend, dude I’m straight).. . I hate it, but strangely it works. Hahaha. She been there all the way. 

  Most of my friends didn’t know I can write Maybe because I don’t want them to know. What there is to know? .  If im proud of my talent, I wouldn’t took mechanical engineering as my course years ago. 

  She is a woman with no face, just a shadow in my imaginary every time I close my eyes to write about something. I even asked some wise mans, they say she might be my destined wife. I asked my mother, she says that is just a woman intuition in me. I asked around, too many answers. When there is too much answer, I just making my own answer. My answer is, I don’t care anymore. 

 Now she is no longer around, I can’t pick up my pen and jot some beautiful words in an instant like used to. I still remember texting a sms on vday for a friend, she cries because those words touch her heart. Well, when I wrote those words I’m never thinking about the girl. I just imagined my imaginary girl friend and those words come out like spilling water from a morning piss. Yepp.. a bit yellow.. hahaha. 

  Stop.. do not making assumption. Don’t think like there is no girls interested on me, believe me there is too many. Is just, I don’t like this boyfriend girlfriend thing. I’m too lazy to have a girlfriend. 

  There is one girl when I am friend with her, my imaginary friend never shows up. My words are straight from my heart, when I close my eyes I see her not that shadowy person. Only few of my friends know about her, and not you guys. She is not that z, that n, that s, that w and all the girls you making assumption. Not even that k. Well, I don’t really care anymore. My imaginary girlfriend has left me years ago. So I’m not cheating anymore. but still I can’t write as fast as when I’m with my shadowy person.

  Everyone have a place to go to find an idea. Some goes to movies, some goes to shakepears. I’ve been there too. But it just gives an idea, to write something you call your own, you got to dig into your mind and heart. Since she left, I keep trying to find something to call my inspiration. My mind keep spacing out when I want to write. That’s why I miss her.  

   Hey, im never say im good.. But you have to agree with my laziness and no specific training my words is not that bad. Some people with experienced in writing say that im better than few of published writer in this country. But, they do think I’m just a pure wasted of talent. Yap.. I have to agree on that.. She will be agreeing on that too. 

  Will you be my imaginary girlfriend? Tettttttt… wrong answer… you are not qualified. =) because i don`t need one.

-april blues keep going on~. i hate this feeling..